Touching Tomorrow
Part 1
Daylight slowly filtered through the cold glass of the apartment window, finding the gap in the heavy curtains. A thin gash of light streamed across the bed, over the mussed covers and onto the slowly waking figure. The slight form turned as the rays fell across his face, trying in vain to grasp onto the thin wisps of sleep slowly leaving his body.
Slowly I wake, as the sun that slips through the chinks of our curtains falls across the bed, stealing sleep away from me. Turning, I cast my hand over his side of the bed, and sigh, finding it, as always, empty.
Rubbing my eyes, I climb from the huge bed, starting as my feet find the cold wood floor. Padding over to the mirror I glance at myself, before continuing through to the en-suite to shower, as is proper.
Light reflected off startling white almost blinds me, and I pull the Viennese blind closed, the room dimming at once.
I turn on the shower, letting the cold water heat before stepping in. I let the hot water cascade over my chilled body, warm and soothing; a good start to what will undoubtedly be a bad day.
Picking up the shampoo, rose scented as he likes, I rub it through my hair. Cleaning my body, I wash away any traces of him from my skin, though I know it won't be long till he covers me again. Every morning finds me thus.
I take but a few moments to savour the warmth; the drops sliding over my closed eyelids, down my body, cleansing my mind of any thoughts but of the steady streaming water, splashing and dripping.
Turning off the tap, I regretfully climb from the shower, my hand grabbing a white fluffy towel almost immediately, from habit. He knows if I stay wet…he says he can smell it, and it displeased him. I have learnt not to earn his wrath, and so I dry quickly.
I walk back into our room, drying my hair with another towel. I find the clothes he has picked out for me to wear today laying over the chair of the dressing table, and sighing, I put the towel down, and begin to dress.
I wish so much I was not treated like this, that I was at least allowed to pick my own clothes…. But I am too afraid to fight him, so I keep silent and accept the way things are.
A skirt of lush pink, pinched tightly at the top to make it cling to my hips, but loose and flowing at the bottom is matched with a light lilac jumper made of soft wool. It has long sleeves, as always, for I am expected to keep my arms covered.
Once dressed, I sit down at the dressing table, pulling the chair forward till my flat stomach is pressed against the edge. Picking up my hairbrush, I begin the tedious task of fixing my hair as he likes it. First I brush it, then I use the hair dryer to heat it as I curl the brush in my hair, creating soft waves in my dead straight hair.
Once finished, I reach for the pale concealer, looking at myself in the mirror. I apply it carefully to my discoloured cheek, expertly concealing the huge bruise that mars my pale face - he wants me perfect, all the time. A touch of lipstick - because my lips are not full enough - and some rosy powder, as the skin under my eyes is too dark. Finally I am done, and I look at myself, disgusted by what I see, a painted face, perfect by his standards.
Sudden screams rent the air, loud and demanding cries for my attention coming from the other room. Jumping to my feet, I rush through into the room attached to ours.
"Hush my darling, don't cry; Naneth is here," I murmur comfortingly, shooting to the side of the crib. I lift my elfling from his cot, a soft expression on my face, making gentle cooing noises and cradling him against me.
"What's wrong Rodoniel, what do you want?" I whisper softly, and smile at the small pout that forms on my son's face.
"Hungy" he declares, managing to grab a lock of my hair, and tug it sharply, causing me to wince.
"Feed me!" he demands, and then, making a soft gurgling, he sloppily kisses one of my powdered cheeks.
"Pwease Nana..." he adds, sweet as anything.
Supporting his small body against my hip, I carry him to the kitchen, kissing his forehead before placing him in the high chair, the tray of which I wipe, for it is covered once again in sticky fingerprints.
"Porridge, angel?" I ask, and am treated to a scrunched up face of revulsion, making me smile.
"Fruit then?" I offer, looking through the cupboards to see what there is.
" 'Nanas?" he questions suspiciously, watching me like a hawk. I nod, still looking through the shelves for something.
"Apples? Grapes? Orange, pear?" he asks in quick succession, and as each is met with a nod, he sits back satisfied.
"Saes, can I have some honey too Nana?" he asks, looking at me angelically, with sweet, wide eyes.
Grinning, I pull a jar of honey from the shelf, and, having known the question was coming wave it at him, making him giggled, pleased.
"Coming up darling," I say, smiling at him, my only joy in life, before I go to find his breakfast in the fridge. I pull out the fruit drawer and select what I need; a small banana, an apple, a handful of grapes , a pear and an orange, balancing them in my hands as I close the fridge behind me.
"Are you sure you want all this Rodoniel?" I ask, looking at the pile of fruit as I set it down on the clean side, bending to pull a chopping board from the cupboard.
"Yes! Hungy" Rodoniel replies firmly, looking at me in a determined way. Laughing, I walk over to him, tickling his tummy lightly, making him shriek in high giggles.
"Are you sure you can eat it all?"
He laughs, looking up at me in an almost calculating way, which surprises me.
"I can eat it all Nana, I won't leave any!" he says proudly, and I know I'm beat.
"Ok then little guy, but if you pop..." I say, poking his tummy again softly, "it's your fault."
He sticks his little tongue out at me, and then flutters his eyelids, pointing to the food.
"Now pwease" he instructs, looking at me confidently. The little imp, he already knows how to work me.
I carefully prepare his food, peeling and skinning all the fruit except the grapes, and cutting it all into small chunks and slices. Washing the grapes, I add them to the bowl of fruit, drizzling a generous spoon of honey over the top. Searching through the drawer I pull out a spoon, and walking over to Rodoniel, I pull out a chair and sit down facing him.
"Here we go…open wide" I say cheerfully, scooping up a grape and bringing it to his closed lips. He looks at me expectantly, mouth pouting and I smile.
"Open wide little one, here come the airplane..." I say, making the spoon zoom around before bringing it back to his mouth, which opens widely, and I pop the food in. Scooping up some more, I continue feeding him, making funny little plane noises that my husband would surly punish me for, was he here, but he is not, it is just me and my son. He cannot hurt me here.
Soon the bowl is empty and Rodoniel looks up at me proudly.
"Look Nana, I eated it all!" he exclaims happily, eager to please me.
"Well done, my darling," I smile softly, wiping his sticky mouth with a napkin.
"But say 'ate' darling - I ate it all. For you are clever enough to be allowed to use some grown-up words." I tell him, making it sound like a reward rather than a correction, for I don't want to discourage him from trying.
"Ate.." He repeats slowly as I carry the bowl to the sink to clean later.
"Ate. Ate, ate, ate" he caws happily, "I Ate it all Naneth!"
"Indeed you did, little star"
"I like the grapes best, they are all juicy and bursty." He smiles at me so innocently, and it fills my heart with love, as well as sadness as I consider the world I have to bring him up in.
His face turns thoughtful, and he looks at me, fixing me with a penetrating gaze that puts me on edge.
"What's your favourite fruit, Nana?" he suddenly asks, curiously.
"I… don't know," I say quickly, turning around to busy myself with filling the sink with water, but he must have seen the alarm on my face, because I can feel his gaze on my back.
"You must have a favourite Naneth..." he argues, watching me closely.
Gripping the sink tightly till my knuckles are white, I mask my face before turning back to him, smiling.
"Peaches and cherries, curious one," I whisper nervously, scared even though I know he is not here.
Thought we are alone, I have learned the hard way what it means to have my own opinions in a world he masters, and it is hard to break away from the fear.
Bustling over to Rodoniel, I lift him from the chair, his chubby little arms immediately wrapping around my neck. I grin and hold him close, carrying him into the lounge, sitting us down in our chair.
"Sweetie, please don't tell your Adar about your questions will you?" I ask worriedly.
He nods against me, and I can feel I have confused him. He cannot understand why such a little thing is so important to me, but I know he will do as I ask, and perhaps I will tell him when he is ready.
"Would you like to do some reading angel?" I ask cheerfully, laughing at his enthusiasm as he suddenly bounces in my lap, face gleeful as he clambours from the chair.
Running to the bookcase, he pulls out one of the books I got for him, returning to me and dropping the book in my lap. He laboriously climbs up over the chair arm, picking the book up once more as he snuggles into my lap. I smile at him and let him get comfortable, his head nestled against the crook of my arm, before I open the book, holding it in front of him.
"Elves Through the Ages: short tales for Elflings," I read, looking down at him questioningly.
"Are you sure this is what you want to read?" I ask, scanning through the introduction page, which describes where the tales are extracted from and other details.
At his excited nod, I open the book to the first story, and we are greeted with a picture of a shining elf with long golden locks and wearing armour, causing me to sharply inhale, and Rodoniel/ to squeal in delight and slowly begin to read the large words under the picture.
"The….Tale…of..Glor-Glor-findel of…. Gondolin." He looks at me to see if he is right, and at my nod, continues.
"Glorfindel…was….a…Val…Val…What does that say, Nana?" he asks, lips wobbling at the difficult word.
"Valiant, sweetie"
"Was...a..Val-ient….warrior, who..fought…bravely..for…his…people."
He smiles, and points to the picture when he stops.
"Is that Glorfindel, Nana?"
"Yes, that is Glorfindel before battle" I tell him. Rodoniel's enjoyment radiates from his small form.
"He's so pretty Nana…and he glows, too." He frowns for a moment before continuing.
"Do all elves glow?"
"Yes darling, all elves have an inner light, but only other elves can see it"
"Oh. but…" he says, puzzled, brow furrowed.
"You don't glow, Nana..." he bursts out confusedly.
I bite my lip at this, knowing I have not been careful enough.
"I…ah…I do glow darling, it's just the light in here is so bright you can't see it." I quickly cover, disliking the lie I am giving him, but I cannot tell him the truth.
I think he is satisfied with this, because he turns the page and continues.
"Glorfindel…was….born…in ….the…hidden….Kitty?"
"City sweetie…Say it like an 's'. S-it-ee"
"He…belonged….to…the…House….of…the…Golden…..Flower and…became… captain…of… Gondolin's….forces. He…ex-kelled?"
"X-sell-ed"
"excelled …at…archery….swordsman ship….and….combat."
Rodoniel looks up at me for reassurance, and I hug him encouragingly.
"When… the.. city was… attacked, Glorfindel… fought and ….killed a… Balrog , …which… sadly… pulled him…. over the… cliff by his… golden… locks."
"What happened to him Nana? He's not dead is he?" he demands anxiously.
"Nay Penneth, he was reborn a very long time ago - but where he is now, I know not."
He smiles, and closes the book. Leaving the rest for tomorrow, he puts it away.
"Look at me Nana, I'm Glorfindel the Balrog Slayer!" he declares, picking up a rolled newspaper and fighting some invisible foe, moving about the floor yelling 'take that' and 'die fell beast!'.
His antics amuse me greatly, and rising, I kneel down and open my arms for him.
"Come on then my little warrior, lets get you dressed, and then we can go to the park if you would like," I offer, and find my arms filled with happy elfling.
Part 2
After dressing my little warrior in clean blue leggings and pale green tunic I leave him in his room, playing with his little action men, while I get his coat and shoes, as well as his small umbrella, because it might rain.
"You ready, angel?" I call, and I can hear him running along the corridor, his small feet making light, thumping sounds.
He smiles brightly at me as he allows me to bundle him up, for his human heritage means he can catch chills. Standing, I pick up the sandwiches I made him, as well as my keys and money, putting it all in a small shoulder bag. I take his podgy little hand in my own much bigger one.
"To the park then, little guy" I say cheerfully, closing the door behind us, not seeing Rodoniel smile and begin to climb down the stairs, clinging to the rail, for the steps are huge to him.
Turning, I see him climbing slowly down the treacherous stairs, and my heart flutters madly as I see the accident ready to happen.
"Rodoniel! Darro!" I call, rushing down the stairs just in time for as I call he takes a step, but, being distracted by me, he slips.
Catching his hand as he loses his balance, I pull him close, enveloping him in my tight embrace. His small head tucks under my chin as I rock him gently, my breathing erratic as I blink away the tears of fright.
"Don't you ever do that to me again Rodoniel, you scared me so much," I whisper to him, stroking his black locks gently, taking deep breaths.
I stand up, still holding him, and I slowly carry him down the stairs. I cannot risk another fright like that.
At the bottom I carefully put him down, and as I rise I feel a sharp tug on my hair for a little hand still has it enclosed in its tight grip.
"Nana…I'm sorry," Rodoniel whispers, turning his tear stained face up to look at me, and wiping his nose on his sleeve.
"I...I didn't mean to scare you...I just wanted to show you I could climb down them. I'm sorry..." he whimpers, letting go of my hair and clinging tightly to my leg, made difficult because of the skirt.
"Oh darling." I whisper, taking his small hand from my leg and squeezing it gently.
"I'm not mad at you, I was just worried...dry your tears." I smile softly, wiping his eyes with a tissue.
"Smile for me, little chick, and let us go. You do want to go to the park don't you?" I ask, and he smiles for me, a lot happier at the mention of one of his favourite places.
Nodding, he begins to walk forward, dragging me by my hand, and I follow, both of us walking along the streets together. The park is not far away, and it does not take us long before we are at the entrance and he is eagerly pointing to his favourite spot, the play area.
"Can I go and play Nana, can I?" he asks, bobbing up and down impatiently, almost bouncing.
"Well..." I say, looking over the area, which is almost empty, but then I see another little figure hurtling full speed at us.
"Damien!" Rodoniel squeals, looking up at me eagerly. As I nod he lets go of my hand, running to greet his friend. I sigh, watching the two play together, when suddenly I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, and I jump, quickly moving away from the touch.
"You're in your own world again, Erestor." The words are quietly spoken, and I relax, turning to greet my only friend.
"Christine, you frightened me!" I exclaim, walking with my red haired friend to the bench.
"Surly you knew I was here already?" she replies logically as we sit down.
"Well….yes, but I could not see you, how could I know you were behind me?"
Christine grins apologetically, and we fall into silence as we watch the children.
"How are you, Erestor?" she asks me quietly, breaking the silence.
"I'm fine," I murmur, avoiding her eyes, uncomfortable. I feel she wants to ask something else, but I am saved from further questioning as Rodoniel and Damien come running towards us.
"Nana I'm hungry!"
"Mom, I want some lunch!" They wail in unison, standing before us, hands on tummies.
Christine and I exchange a look, and I fish out the sandwich from my bag, as Christine does the same. I hand the sandwich to Rodoniel, and he climbs into my lap to eat it, watching Damien as he climbs into Christine's, accepting his lunch eagerly. They are soon chatting away as they devour their food, dropping crumbs all over us.
"Ai, such mucky pups!" I scold teasingly, rolling my eyes at Christine in amusement.
"Where ever they get it from, I don't know… it must be from their fathers' side."
I pale at this, and Christine looks stricken.
"Oh Erestor, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mention him."
"It doesn't matter," I say quickly, forcing a fake smile onto my face.
"You two done?" Christine asks, falsely cheerful for their sakes as she pulls out two small treats from her bag, giving one to each child.
"There you go, darlings. You may go and play now, but try not to get too dirty," she says, laughing at the thankful expression on both childrens' faces.
"Thanks, mom"
"Thank you Damien's Mom," Rodoniel murmurs shyly, before running off to where Damien is waiting, both huddling together as they decide what to do first.
"How are you really?" Christine asks worriedly, gently laying a hand over mine as I look away.
"I'm fine Christine, don't fret yourself," I lie, but I can tell she doesn't believe me.
Soon, we begin to talk again, falling into our normal pattern as we watch over our children.
Neither of them was aware, however, that they themselves were being watched…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The afternoon wind begins to chill and I decide it's time for us to be going. Rodoniel will need to wash, and I have to get the dinner on.
"Namárië Christine, I will see you tomorrow, as always."
"Farewell Erestor…Please take care of yourself my friend."
Nodding at her, I promise I will, before going to collect Rodoniel.
"Time we must leave, angel" I call to him, and reluctantly he leaves his games to come to my side, clothes caked with mud and crumbly leaves in his ebony hair.
"Oh you..." I fuss, brushing out the leaves the best I can.
"Come then young man, let's get you home and washed, hmm?" I smile down at him, taking his little hand.
"Bye Damien!" he screams over his shoulder, waving his other hand at his friend.
I lead him out of the park, glad to see the roads are not too busy as we walk along the streets, the weather growing more and more chilling at each twisted corner - the days are short indeed during fall in New Orleans.
The darkness is descending quickly, the orange streetlamps not enough to hold it back, only succeeding in casting an eerie glow over our skin. I am relived to find we are back at the flat, and once more I carry Rodoniel up the stairs.
He followed them silently as they left, hiding from them in dark shadows that matched his mood as he traced their footsteps. He knew just where to hide and how to avoid being noticed - this was not the first time he had followed them, and surely it would not be the last, for he had to know everything. What he had learned so far had displeased him greatly, but he would not be satisfied until he knew it all.
He watched them as they walked down a deserted street, the darkness clawing in on them much as the anger clawed at his mind, until at last he could see them no more, and then turning, he was gone in a swirl of long blond hair.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Here we are, angel, let's get some lights on and get warm shall we?" I ask cheerfully as I open the door, flicking the light switch. The sharpness of the lights dazzles out eyes after the dim glow of the streetlamps.
"Look at you, you're positively filthy!" I exclaim, looking him over in the stronger light.
"That's it, into the bath with you mister! Go on, go and undress and I'll run it for you," I cluck, shooing him into his bedroom as I turn on the water.
"And don't even think of leaving your clothes on the floor, put them in the basket please," I add from the bathroom, smiling to myself as I hear him pick the clothes up from where he had left them - on the floor.
Testing the water with my hand, I add some very aptly named bubble bath, the froth rising high.
"Come on Rodoniel, before it gets cold" I call to him, walking through to fetch him.
"But Nana… I can't find my ships!"
"In, in, in!" I order, placing a hand on his shoulder and directing him to the door. "I'll bring your ships, ok darling?" I add softly - I add softly - whatever authority I had when I used to keep the twins in order, I have since lost.
Nodding, he scurries from the room as I open his cupboard, easily finding the ships he sought, out of his reach on a high shelf. Picking them up, I quickly return to the bathroom as I hear a splash, indicating that Rodoniel has climbed in.
I grin as I see him, the water probably only coming to his middle, but the bubbles reaching easily to his chest, and he has bubbles smeared on his face.
"Hello," he grins, pulling the bubbles down over his chin.
"Who's that in my bath? And where's my little angel gone?" I ask in mock confusion, peering at him intensely.
"Look Nana, it's me!" he giggles, as I sit down on the floor so I can reach him.
"My, my, so it is!" I exclaim in surprise as he wipes off the bubbly beard.
"I never recognized you, that beard had me fooled alright"
He grins, and splashes about with his little boats.
"Turn around then darling, and I'll wash your hair while you play," I tell him, picking up his shampoo and raising an eyebrow at the 'No More Tears' logo emblazoned across the front ; I couldn't remember Rodoniel ever crying because of stingy eyes.
I gently work the liquid through his hair, humming to myself as he sails his ships around the bath.
"Eyes closed," I warn, before pouring a jug of warm water over his head, being careful to keep it from his eyes and ears as much as I can.
"Right darling, your hair's done .Now you need to wash."
"If I do it Nana, will you read to me?" he asks sweetly, for I always end up reading him a page or two from our current book.
"Of course I will," I promise with a grin, reaching up and plucking the book from the towel drawer. I open it to where it was bookmarked, at the beginning of chapter four. He had picked this one himself, and despite my concerns that he would not understand it, he seems to love it.
"Chapter four: the Alethiometer."
I read clearly and slowly to him, marveling at how he swallows the story eagerly while he washes, hanging onto every word. He shows remarkable understanding for a child of his age, probably his elven genes kicking in, for although his body grows with the slow pace of the firstborn, the slightly chubby figure was accounted for by his human heritage. He may only be quarter-human on his Adar's side, but you can still see the subtle differences.
Looking up from the book, I see Rodoniel staring at me, enthralled by the picture I am painting, long finished washing.
"Done then angel, all nice and clean?" I ask, marking the page as I close the book, putting it down as I rise, earning me a pleading moan of disappointment.
"Out with you, we don't want you going wrinkly do we?" I ask, helping him out of the bath, and handing him a white fully towel. I rub him down as he grumbles about the story.
"Be good and let me dress you and I'll read to you when you take your nap," I bargain, leading the little form to his bedroom, dressing him quickly in clean clothes. He stands there obediently, tired by his activities which have only just caught up with him.
"Up you go…" I lift him into the crib, gently tucking him in. Although he is worn out, and although I weave away, his hand darts out and grabs mine very tightly, clinging bruisingly in the way only a child who wants something can. I wince, biting my lip, and he releases his grip, looking up at me apologetically.
"Stay...please… you said you'd read to me…"
"Ok darling, but just for a little while," I say softly, pulling up my chair and sitting down.
Picking up his book I begin to read it to him once more, watching him grow sleepier and sleepier.
Part 3
Once I am sure Rodoniel is asleep I leave, closing the door quietly behind me and padding softly into the kitchen to prepare dinner.
Pork Casserole. I wince at the thought for it is something I despise, though we have it often because he wants it. Chopping the vegetables and pre-cooked meat, I drop them into the dish and add spices as I wait for the kettle to heat. Once the water has boiled, I pour it over the mixture, stirring it before replacing the lid and putting it in the oven to cook.
Looking at the clock I whimper, realising how much time has passed. He will be home soon, and the realisation brings with it a rising sense of panic.
Making sure the oven timer is on, I swiftly return to my dressing table, touching up the make-up that the day has worn away. Bending down, I pull my shoes from beneath the desk, slipping them on and doing up the small buckles.
Rising quickly, making sure my hair is in place, I force a smile onto my face as I hear the front door open. I tug at my clothing; and I am just in time, for he walks into the room only seconds after I stand.
He looks me up and down, from my wavy hair right down to the short red heels of my shoes, taking note of any imperfections.
"Evening Elrond. Have a good day?" I ask, falsely cheerful, stepping forward with arms spread invitingly hoping, as I do every evening, that he doesn't see through to the fear behind the smile
"Not really," he snaps shortly, brushing past me roughly as though I am not there, and dropping into my dressing table chair.
"My shoulders hurt. Attend to them, Erestor"
"As you wish, Elrond..." I whisper, already downhearted, moving to stand behind him. I lower my gaze quickly as I catch sight of his arrogant stare reflected in my mirror.
I gently knead his shoulders, being very careful not to hurt or displease him. Maybe, if I try hard, tonight might be different. Maybe we'll know again what it is to have a peaceful night. Maybe, if I try hard, things can be as they once were...
"You don't know how lucky you are, not all of us have it so easy. I actually work, unlike you." he sneers at me, as though this is my fault, as though he is not forcing me into this unwanted lifestyle.
I have no reply that would not cause his anger to rise, so I stay silent, massaging his shoulders. I can feel his smug glare fixed on my face in the mirror, but I avoid it. I can't bear what I might see in his grey eyes.
"Enough!" he orders sharply, rising to turn around, his gaze fixed on mine. I try to smile warmly, my hands clutched together in front of me.
Suddenly, his hand darts out, grabbing one of mine and pulling it roughly, glaring down at the small bruise that has formed where Rodoniel gripped it tightly. I had forgotten about it, forgotten to hide it!
"Someone has touched you!" he yells in fury, shoving me roughly backwards in disgust.
"No… Elrond saes, it's not..."
"You dare allow such a thing?
"I've done nothing wrong…" I plead desperately, trying to get him to listen.
"Silence! I don't want your lies!" He slaps me across the face, hard, a stone on his ring slicing deeply into my cheek, making me whimper in pain.
"You have the nerve to plead with me after all I have done for you? You ungrateful whore!"
"I didn't... Please listen..." I whisper, blood trickling down my cheek.
"Bite your tongue, or I'll remove it!" he hisses furiously, hitting me hard in the chest, forcing the breath from my lungs and causing me to gasp in pain. There is a nasty 'crack' that I don't have the energy to worry about. Snarling, he pushes me hard, and I trip, falling backwards, hitting the wall before sliding to the floor.
I can taste blood in my mouth, and I gasp for breath, struggling to stand, but he has me trapped between him and the wall.
"Please… It was an accident...Rodoniel…"
"Didn't I tell you to BITE YOUR TONGUE?" he roars. Viciously he slides my beaten body up the wall gripping me by the throat. He ignores my choking coughs for breath, the blood on my lips.
His grip tightens about my neck as he looks at me maliciously, darkly amused and triumphant. "You should take more care, or you might accidentally get hurt..." he smirks as I struggle for breath, then lets me go, dropping me to the floor like a pile of rags.
"You weren't perfect, Erestor love. You disobeyed my most direct order, so you had to be punished, didn't you?" He looks down at my crumpled form, apparently unconcerned.
He walks away from me, turning around as he gets to the door, leering at me in a kind of dark pleasure.
"You brought this upon yourself."
And he is gone, leaving me crumpled against the wall, crying to myself as I cough and choke on the blood in my throat.
I don't know how long I lie there, before I can gather enough strength to drag myself to my feet. After staggering into the bathroom, I lean heavily against the cold sink as I try to catch my breath. Looking up at the mirror, I cough violently, my hand going to my ribs in pain, my eyes closing. I manage to calm myself, but when I open my eyes I see splattered blood on the mirror. A chilling fear races though me. I swipe at it with my hand, a very bad idea, for I only smear it, and the action steals vital breath from me.
Gripping the edge of the sink so hard my knuckles go white, I rest against it, slowing my breathing, relaxing myself.
All I want to do is stay here, but I know I can't… dinner is nearly ready, and Valar help me if it's late, or burnt…
Straightening up with a small hiss, I begin to tend to my wounds, first attending to the cut on my cheek. I wipe away the blood then I clean it, my make-up coming away, till my cheek is flushed pink, but unmarked, and bloodless.
Grabbing the glass from beside the sink, I fill it with water, swirling it around in my mouth before spitting the pink water out, repeating this until I have washed all the blood away. I also swallow some of the clean water to clear my throat.
I dab at my eyes; my make-up is smeared by my tears, and I wipe the whole lot away. I'll have to redo it all before I can serve dinner.
I run the water to wash away the blood from the sink, and wipe it from the mirror, carefully making sure none is left for Elrond to see, before washing my hands and removing any blood from under my finger nails - he would notice.
Steeling myself, I walk carefully from the bathroom, ignoring the sharp pain in my ribs. I know I can do nothing for them but bear the pain as it slowly fades to a deep ebb. I sit down at my dressing table and begin reapplying my make-up, hissing as the concealer stings the fresh cut, but after a few coats it is completely hidden, at least for now. Looking at myself in the mirror I force myself to smile, relived to see there is no sign of what has happened. My pain is hidden. As a last thought I quickly use the concealer on my bruised hand. I cannot afford to make the same mistake again.
Rising, I quickly take one final glance in the mirror to make sure nothing else is wrong before hurrying back, passing his closed study door, and walking quickly into the kitchen. Pulling on the oven gloves, I open the oven door, lifting the dish out and placing it on the top of the stove. Lifting the lid off I feel relief rush through me to find it is done, but not burned.
Moving swiftly through the apartment once more, I bustle into Rodoniel's room, glad to find he is already awake and sitting up in his cot.
"Dinner time, angel…" I whisper, smiling at him as I lift him up. I carry him into the kitchen and put him in his high chair.
I pull plates from the cupboard, as well as a bowl, and ladle food into them, setting them on the table. The cutlery is already in place from earlier.
"Here you go, darling… don't start till your Adar comes..." I tell Rodoniel, pecking him on the forehead gently before going to fetch Elrond.
Tapping timidly at the door to his study, I call out softy,
"Dinner's ready, Elrond…" and wait for the reply.
"I'll be there when I'm done, damn you!" he calls back irritably. Sighing, I wander back into the kitchen, taking my place at the table .We both, Rodoniel and I, wait in silence for Elrond to join us.
It's almost twenty minutes before Elrond arrives, his dark hair no match for the look upon his face. I watch as he sits down, glancing over at us without greeting, before picking up his fork and spearing a piece of the meat, biting at it carefully before grimacing and glaring at me.
"This is COLD, Erestor" he growls warningly, and I quickly stand, clutching my ribs as the sharp pain shoots through me, but dropping my hand quickly before he can notice.
"Forgive me, I'll get you some more," I mumble, taking his plate and scraping the food into the bin before ladling out some more from the pot. Wordlessly I place the plate in front of him, returning to my seat as both Elrond and Rodoniel begin to eat.
I can feel Elrond's gaze fixed on me as I sample the food, listening to Rodoniel giggling happily to himself as he makes a complete mess of his dinner, spilling as much as he eats, unaware of the growing tension in the room.
Toying with the food without hunger, I try to ignore the deep sickness in my stomach, which is not only caused by my dislike of the dish. Thought I am empty, I have no desire for food, so I pick at the vegetables, lacklustre and insipid, and nibble at them.
Rodoniel though has no such worries and, having long grown bored with playing with his food, decides to talk instead.
"Guess who I learned about today, Adar!" he gushes excitedly and, not waiting for a reply, continues.
"Glorfindel of Gondolin! I learned about how brave he was…"
A loud clatter echoes around the room as my fork slips from my fingers. I watch listlessly, frozen still in horror, unable to move as the scene unfolds before me.
"I want to be just like Glorfindel when I grow up," he smiles happily.
Elrond is fuming; I can feel it as I tremble in my chair.
"It is long past time you were in bed," he whispers dangerously, rising to his feet.
"I'll do it Elrond; you don't need to bother yourself..." I say quickly, rising as I suddenly regain control of my body once more, moving as though to take Rodoniel from his chair.
"You - sit down! I'll deal with you in a minute," Elrond snarls, lifting Rodoniel from his chair less than gently and hauling him from the room. I try to hold Elrond back, gripping at his clothes and trying to take Rodoniel from him; he's not holding him properly, I fear he might get hurt. Elrond strikes me down with his other hand; the blow is not hard enough to injure me but I am left dazed. This enables him to shake me off and leave the room with our son, who screams and struggles in his arms. Rodoniel tries to reach out for me, but I'm too far away and then the door is pushed closed by Elrond's shoulder.
I slowly return to my seat, Rodoniel's cries still ringing in my ears, and sit down. I am shaking with shock.
I don't have to wait long before he returns. Glaring at me as he storms back into the room, he pulls up a chair next to me, causing my heart to beat faster than ever before.
"It seems I have been too lenient with you, I have given you too much freedom," he says, sneering down at me. "I gave him to you. I even let you name him, against my better judgement. Is this how you repay me, you treacherous snake? There will be no more of this, Erestor, From now on, I will see to his education myself. You will no longer be able to pollute his mind with lies and fairy tales. It seems I have made an error in judgement, become slack with you, where he is concerned."
Elrond watches me calmly as he talks, and though his words are low and cool I can feel the anger beneath the level tone, scaring me as much as if he were shouting. "From now on you will only read to him from books I pick,, and you will no longer take him to the park."
There is disdain in his eyes. "Oh yes, I know about your little trips, and I know about your friend Christine. I thought I taught you to keep away from others? You do not deserve friends. You are worthless, you only burden and trouble them. I am not pleased, Erestor. You have disobeyed me. Now it is time to rectify my mistakes and do what I should have done a long time ago."
He pauses for effect, then says, "I hereby ban you from seeing her again. You will not meet her in the shops, you will not talk to her on the phone, and most of all you will not visit her in the park or at her home. Do I make myself clear?!"
"But..."
"DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!" he roars. It is the first time his voice has risen in the whole conversation, terrifying me and crushing any courage I had left.
"Yes Elrond," I whisper, head bowed in disgrace, eyes glistening as I try to hold back my tears.
Rising from his chair, Elrond walks away from the table, ignoring me till he gets to the door frame. He turns to look back at me, though he can see little but my wavy hair veiling my face. His cruel words wash over me like icy waves.
"Why I even bother with you, I don't know. You're stupid, you do everything wrong, you are worse than useless You are nothing Erestor. You have always been nothing, and you will always be nothing. You are a lost cause, a waste of time! The world would be a better place if you were dead!" he spits at me venomously, drawing distorted pleasure from my misery.
"Now come, Erestor, I wish to retire."
He commands me as though nothing has happened and, blinking back my tears, I have no choice but to do as he wishes.
"A-as you desire Elrond..." I whisper brokenly, rising from my chair, breath hitching in dread.
Following him to our bedroom meekly, head lowered and submissive, I cannot help but feel like a whimpering puppy, following at my master's heels, and obeying my master's every order.
TBC